Fat Kids Can’t Clean Chimneys by Wicked StepMomster
ISBN-10: ‎0985695420
Publisher: ‎Cornucopia Press (October 17, 2013)
Language: ‎English
Print Length‏: ‎76 pages

MAKES A GREAT GIFT IDEA!

Every Wicked StepMomster knows that the road to hell is littered with minivan-carpooling soccer moms. Instead of flagrantly misappropriating your money, children should be giving back . . . to you. They should be mixing your martinis, waxing your floors and legs, bonding you to your husband until the inheritance or insurance policy is assured, and generally contributing to your 401K.

Fat Kids Can’t Clean Chimneys is the primer for all those parents wondering where the happy in their happy hour went. So kick up your feet, have your free labor force make you a martini, and let the mind massage begin.

About the Author
Once upon a time, in a land closer than you think, there was a woman. She spent most of her days shuttling children to and fro. She cooked more than one meal a night because of picky progeny. She did more laundry than Mao’s dry cleaner so that every soccer, baseball, dance, cheerleading, and football uniform was always at the ready. She typed papers, made Halloween costumes worthy of the Metropolitan Museum, and packed nutritious lunches that went uneaten. This woman—we’ll call her Sad Sack Sallie—helicoptered, room-parented and soccer-momed her way to an early streak of grey and an unquiet nervous breakdown. She now spends her days in an institution needlepointing pillows for the ungrateful children that never visit her. That woman was Wicked StepMomster’s husband’s first wife.

To purchase your copy of Fat Kids Can’t Clean Chimneys @ Amazon, click here.

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A Is For Asparagus by Holland Dayze (J.G. Sandom and Sylvana Joseph)
ISBN-10: ‎1463636660
Publisher: ‎CreateSpace Independent (September 6, 2011)
Language: ‎English
Print Length: ‎32 pages

James Bond meets Chocolat (for kids)

When the asparagus of the world begin to disappear and VIA (Vegetable Intelligence Agency) agents Marc and Marie Couteau fall into a mysterious slumber, it is up to Jacques Couteau, their 10 year old son, to unearth the insidious forces behind the disappearance of one of his favorite vegetables—Asparagus Officinalis.

Jacques confronts the diabolical CLOWN and uncovers a hideous plot:  A mysterious anti-vegetable cabal behind the world’s largest fast food chain—YummyLand—is GMO engineering a new plant with twice the salt, twice the sugar, and three times the fat of ordinary fast food. Worse, each YummyLand product is highly addictive, causing a lifelong craving after only one bite, and transforming people into lazy, obese, do-nothing zombies . . . exactly what’s happened to Jacques’ parents.

Now, only Jacques—armed with his infamous Jacquesknife and aided by May Fourchette, a black-and-blue belt in every Martial Art attainable—can defeat the CLOWN and the mysterious Mr. Bibb, prevent the enslavement of the world, and ensure the survival of asparagus everywhere.

The first in a series (stay tuned for B is for Brussels Sprout), MainSail Reviews called this award-winning children’s book, “A delightful romp that will not only amuse and captivate your child, but may actually get him to eat those green things on his dinner plate rather than throwing them at you.”

This book is perfect to read with your kids at bedtime to encourage them to form an open-minded relationship with vegetables. If you have a picky eater, try this book!

To purchase your copy of A is for Asparagus @ Amazon, click here.

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